Aug. 31, 1950: Female, married, 42 years. Rather stout, tall, dark complexion, full lips.
Never had enough energy to do nearly what should do, always forcing herself along. A nervous exhaustion. Muscles feel flabby, weak.
Tension, hurry, driving to get this and that done; in a fret. Too tense to get to sleep.
Depressed, melancholy, very irritable in spells; discouraged; thoughts of suicide but too timid to carry it out. Disgusted with herself because timid. Desire to weep frequently. Perverse sense of humor.
Almost double personality; real self kind, generous, affectionate, etc., then suddenly overpowering desire to torture people; if does not do it as if something would burst inside, or would go insane. Picks upon those nearest to her, those loved best and torments them with sarcasm, taunts.
Uncertain of her ability, tormented by this.
Likes people but gets bored; wants to be at home, quiet; wants people around her to be quiet.
Lacks sexual desire, always.
Smothered sensation frequently.
Constipation chronic (cathartics). Haemorrhoids.
Hair falling many years: 1/3 of it coming in white.
Sleep very poor; frequent insomnia.
Headache; frequent, general bruised sensation followed by migraine. Worse emotions, menses.
Stinging, stiffness shoulders, fingers; mammae.
Pain below right ribs between them and crest ilium.
Pains down legs, worse under the knees.
Soreness abdomen frequent accompanied violent cramps, just above pubic bone.
Operation at 23 years for cancer cervix; followed by treatments with radium, x-ray.
Pregnant once; lost at 7 months on account fight with a huge dog.
In the last 15 years thought of suicide but too timid to carry it out. R Anac. 10M.
Sept. 19: Stopped thyroid along with the estrogen when started my medicine. Has lost a pound a day since then; this before on stopping thyroid temporarily. Now 28 lbs. overweight-159. Scattered pustules in scalp in the last 2 months. Pains backs of legs gone; now some in front. Perspiration does not start until temperature extremely high; then on scalp first, runs down face and neck; later becomes general. Skin not too dry. Constipation returned after stopping eating molasses. Sleep: good first pat night, then apt not to sleep rest of night. Mind too active then; planning, studying over things. Worse A.M., taken 2 or 3 hours to get going.
Oct. 4: Back to work 2 day about but dislikes to work, cannot stand it; gets so nervously overwrought that wants to cry and nerves seem to ache all over her. Enjoyed working up to a year ago. Cannot sleep or eat much on account nerves. Rx.Zinc. 1M.
Oct. 16: Much better, back to work and able to stand up under it. Several hours overwork; all one evening and all day Sunday. In the last 10 days: dyspnoea prominent in spells. Numbness left arm and chest; feels numb into the bone. Legs numb on lying down. Heavy pressure cardiac region. Sleeping all night. Drowsiness ever since returned to work.
Oct. 26: Very much better still. Mental and emotional attitude very much better. Sleep poor 3 night in the last 2 weeks. Pains legs from 4 P.M. on; has had these before. Dyspnoea on walking lately. Pressure on chest with this, a little numbness. Slowly gaining weight every day. Exhausted by the shock of some news at the office; was calm butt weak. Usually this would have thrown her into panic. Appetite tremendous now and gaining weight. Craves sweets, this not for several years back. No more thoughts of suicide by drowning. Numbness fingers, arms at times. Ankles swell mildly. Perspiration palms returned. Bones have felt firm on surface and soft underneath; now the reverse.
Now. 24: Courage has been piling up steadily; almost no effects on the past state. Sleep better at night if takes her powder in A.M. Memory still bad, may be a little better. Cannot eat as much as used to; feels satisfied sooner. Severe head cold last 10 days, better and worse with diarrhoea finally and then at least a cupful of brown mucus vomited with great help. Physically stronger.
Dec. 18: Getting along very well. Once cold which lasted only 2 days and worked through it. Usually has been on couch for 10 days with one.
Jan. 4, 1951: Still very much better; gained 3 more lbs. Giving out as if would collapse after powders gone, better soon as back on the next collection of them. Head confused and memory bad soon as powders gone, better soon as back on them.
Jan. 23: No sleep two nights out of the week. After a bad night a clutching about the heart and feels smothered. Mind willing but body will not respond. Heavy all the time from waist down. Swelling hands and feet; rings cut into the fingers. Must take shoes off in P.M. on account of the swelling and consequent pain. Urine too frequent, deep yellow with pungent odor, excoriating. Profuse sweats any time, especially in the night. Skin dry and itching between these sweats. Waves of nausea last few days. Cramps in abdomen; constipation continues. Dyspnoea; frequent sighing. Gaining weight again slowly. Mental improvement holds Rx. Zinc. 1 M.